So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
