so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You are a genius and a whore.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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