I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
