I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
