Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
