But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
