So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
