he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He has the fingertips of a God
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
