he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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