Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
