i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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