There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
