dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
