woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
