i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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