omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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