Betty ford says i'm here all night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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