girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
