This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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