Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
