another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
