Plan B is the new Plan A
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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