All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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