i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
