you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
