ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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