he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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