I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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