how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
