My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
