Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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