every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
