My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think my moral compass just broke
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
