puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
