What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
