yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
