Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
