i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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