do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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