you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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