Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
