i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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