Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My nipple is on Facebook.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
