I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
