I just cut my nipple shaving
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
