At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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