is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
