boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
