So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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