This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
