my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The power of my boobs compel you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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