Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there's paper in my vomit.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
